In nineteenth-century China, in a remote Hunan county, a girl named Lily, at the tender age of seven, is paired with a laotong, “old same,” in an emotional match that will last a lifetime. The laotong, Snow Flower, introduces herself by sending Lily a silk fan on which she’s painted a poem in nu shu, a unique language that Chinese women created in order to communicate in secret, away from the influence of men. As the years pass, Lily and Snow Flower send messages on fans, compose stories on handkerchiefs, reaching out of isolation to share their hopes, dreams, and accomplishments. Together, they endure the agony of foot-binding, and reflect upon their arranged marriages, shared loneliness, and the joys and tragedies of motherhood. The two find solace, developing a bond that keeps their spirits alive. But when a misunderstanding arises, their deep friendship suddenly threatens to tear apart.
Review by Leslie H. Nicoll
This is a beautiful, well-written book that tells the story of women’s lives, friendships, and the bonds we form—bonds that last a lifetime, even if we try to break them.
The story takes place in rural China in the 1800s. The narrator is Lily, who, when the story opens, is eighty years old and the matriarch of her family. She reflects back on her life, the good points and bad, the difficulties and struggles, and mostly, on her laotong or ‘old same,’ Snow Flower.
Women’s lives in China at that time were very strictly regulated. They existed primarily for one reason: to bear sons. They had a childhood up until the age of six or seven, at which time their mothers began binding their feet. They moved into the upper chamber—the women’s room—where they would spend the rest of their lives, first in their natal home and eventually in their husband’s home, once a male child had been produced. They spent their days doing chores, embroidering, singing, looking out of a single, barred window, while hobbling around on broken feet. It was a hard and difficult life.
Girls and women never went to school and thus were uneducated and illiterate. However, a few women developed a secret language—nu shu—which they used to communicate with their other female friends and loved ones. Their messages were sent on embroidered handkerchiefs and shoes and written in beautiful messages on special pieces of paper, such as the secret fan that Lily and Snow Flower used throughout their lives as their sacred bond.
A woman’s worth and marriageability were determined by the size of her tiny, bound feet, her “golden lilies.” When Lily was six, the matchmaker announced that she had particularly perfect feet for binding and thus her fate would be slightly different. Instead of being bound to a group of women—beloved sisters—she would have only one woman for her lifelong bond. This was Snow Flower, her laotong, or old same.
It is from this beginning that the story unfolds. Lily is, for many years of her life, trusting and naïve. When she marries at age 17, she begins to learn the truth of her laotong. More truths are revealed over the years. While Snow Flower has always been her one true friend, her old same, Lily begins to question that. As the hardships pile up, she questions even more, and with a misinterpreted nu shu message, even breaks off their relationship for a period of years, to her eventual regret. While she tries to make amends, in a way it is too little, too late. Lily’s curse is that she lives to be eighty in a country and time when most women die at age forty, so she has many, many years to reflect on her mistakes and unkindness. Looking at it from the big picture perspective it is heartbreaking although from a day-to-day point of view, which is how Lily lives her life and how the story is told, could she have done otherwise?
Two key themes keep reoccurring and drive much of the story: foot binding and nu shu. Both are true. Foot binding is known and has a well documented history. Nu shu is less so. Apparently it developed in the rural county in which this story takes place. Women practiced it secretly and passed it on to their daughters, nieces, bound sisters and old sames. Knowledge of nu shu was suppressed and during the Cultural Revolution, items containing nu shu writing were destroyed. The author, through a chance occurrence (detailed in a postscript) learned about nu shu, saw first hand a few remaining nu shu relics, and from that, this story was born.
Overall, this is a beautifully written, lyrical tale. It tells the story of how women love and support each other and how, unfortunately, sometimes we are not good to each other. That, of course, is not unique to female relationships. But for women living in the time and culture of this story, these bonds were necessary for survival and in that context, Lily failed her laotong. And that is the greatest tragedy of all.
Highly recommended.
Visit the author’s website.
Available in multiple formats (print, audio, ebook) from various retailers, including Amazon USA, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon UK
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